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So let’s look at the type of triangle that has one woman and two men in it.

The target of desire in the relationship is the woman. Her husband is not leaving and she is not letting him go (otherwise she wouldn’t need a triangle to cope). It doesn’t matter how negative wife and husband feel about each other, they are together.

But for the ‘other man’ this is a painful transition from a illusory relationship with a married woman in a triangle with a married man to a period of being alone again where some serious work can be done on his love-life (if he’s up for it).

The work needed is usually in the area of developing a better tolerance for love and intimacy by clearing out whatever fears and blocks the guy has in the way.

The important thing about the married man is he’s probably coping with his limited marriage by doing something else (work, alcohol, substances, whatever consumes and distracts him).Personally, I think most if not all married people know on some level if a spouse is cheating, but that’s just my belief.Anyway, the married man like his supposed competition is afraid of a deeper intimacy as well. His willingness to live in a limited marital relationship thinly disguises this fear of deeper love and intimacy.Instead defensive stuff happens like distancing from each other or finding another lover to make up for what is not happening in the marriage.The problem is you can’t get a piece of what you need from one person and another piece from someone else and expect to have a stable and satisfying love-life. What you get instead is fragmentation, conflict, and limited intimacy.

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